If You See Me, Wear a Mask: Why We Need to And How to Make it Better
I live in Massachusetts, which has been amazing at flattening the curve and, at least right now, has managed to keep COVID-19 numbers that relate to my practice way down. They are doing a cautious experiment with reopening, and just a few weeks ago they reopened personal care services like nail salons and massage therapy.
Guess what else falls into personal care services? Professional cuddling.
I'm an engineer by training and data is what I base my decisions on for reopening. When all of us are trying to figure out how to handle a pandemic, data-- and learning what it means-- has been the best way for me to orient myself to how severe the situation is. There's a lot of issues with tracking data for someone not used to it, so I made a video on what data I'm tracking and what it means for me on reopening so you don't have to. If you’re looking at this from another state, please use your state’s data to base your reopening decisions on.
Now, my requirements for reopening have been met, and I'm releasing my standards for sessions to clients, mostly directed by the state and consulting with a COVID-19 testing center.
For the most part, my clients have been agreeable with my updated standards… except for one thing.
Wearing a mask for a session.
It might seem silly to do it. I agree with that. I do strong screening on risky behaviors with my clients as it is to try to reduce our risk overall. In fact, the testing center recommended I get tested every two to three weeks while I'm working. I don’t even plan to see more than one client in my home a day for the time being, so the risk is much lower. With all of these precautions, I personally would choose not to wear a mask for a cuddle session if that was an option. After all, doesn't it feel unnatural to wear a mask for something so natural?
And yet this is our new normal.
Here's why I'm pro-mask for my cuddle sessions:
1. We require it. In Massachusetts, they “Require face coverings for all customers and workers”. Not wearing a mask for paid cuddle sessions is breaking the law and puts my own practice at risk. Not only that, but Massachusetts has been leading the cause for contact tracing. What kind of problems would my practice have if I got called by a contact tracer and they found out I’d been having sessions without masks? A lot of them, that’s for sure. It could even mean having to shut down my practice permanently.
2. It makes sanitization post-sessions so much easier. As part of cleaning up, I need to sanitize everything a client touches or might touch (…yes, that includes me). Droplets from breathing, sighing, coughing, sneezing, etc. can linger in the air for up to four hours in a closed space after the client leaves. If you still want a cuddle session despite knowing that, you damn better be wearing a mask. Sure, masks can’t catch all of the airborne particles, but they certainly catch enough of them to make post-session cleanup easier and safer for me. (And no, the solution isn't to cuddle outside-- you're still in close enough contact with someone that you should be wearing a mask).
3. COVID-19 test results are helpful, but they're not a guarantee. This isn't a perfect comparison, but think of it this way: let's say you have this smoking hot, sexy new partner you want to bang, but they want to not use condoms. They got tested six months ago with negative STD results, but during that time they had a partner they sometimes didn't use condoms with. They're also not 100% confident their promiscuous partner was great about condom use at those orgies they didn’t attend with them.
Some people in this situation might say "Okay, let's try without condoms." But most people that have some working knowledge of their sexual health and care about it would say, "Are you freaking kidding me?! We are absolutely using condoms for everything until you get tested! Seriously, please tell me, do you use condoms with anybody?" You'd want them to get tested first and probably not have sex with other people while you're waiting on the results.
In the case with COVID-19, being in close contact with people that you don't live with is the equivalent of having a new sexual partner that may or may not have an STD even though they tested negative previously. We don't know who that dude without a mask jogging behind us has been seeing, and we don't know how many people picked up the same box of cereal and put it back at the grocery store (or who held it while they took their mask off to cough… something I’ve seen more than once). And unfortunately for us, there's more variables in exposure possibilities to COVID-19 than STD's have, so wearing a mask for sessions makes sense even if you already got tested and came out negative.
4. Masks are now a new litmus test for me to see if someone is a boundary pusher. Sure, I'll keep going with the sex comparisons here. Why not?
The people that don't want to wear masks is appallingly similar to the men I've dated that didn't want to wear condoms when I pulled one out before sex. The reasons are almost identical too:
"Don't worry, I got tested"
"I don't find it comfortable"
"It'll be hard to breathe"
"It feels better without it"
I have no problem with someone not wanting to wear a mask if they're willing to patiently wait until regulations, data and science tell us it is safe to do so. Just like our smoking hot, sexy partner should wait to get tested and get their results. I’ve been doing this work for nearly five years. Chances are very high that I’ll still be in professional cuddling when we have a treatment or vaccine for the virus.
However, when I hear a potential client adamant about having a cuddle session with me say "I know you said we need to wear masks, but..." it doesn’t sound like someone about to ask me a simple question. It sounds like someone trying to change my mind on something that I already established as a hard boundary. If they're going to push me on something that I am crystal clear that I take very seriously (not to mention I am required by law to do), chances are they may try to push my boundaries on something else that I'd be really uncomfortable with. “How you do one thing is how you do everything” is pretty accurate in this case.
If at this point in reading you’re thinking, “Hell no, I do not want to wear a mask for a session!” then maybe looking for a professional cuddler isn’t right for you. I’d personally be concerned if a professional cuddler doesn’t wear a mask for sessions considering how many exposures they have, even if they’re only seeing 2 or 3 clients a week. Instead, I would recommend you find one cuddle buddy that’s been social distancing really well to get your touch needs met (in fact, the UK is touting this option heavily).
If you’re thinking “I understand the logic and want to go in for a session, but I’m grappling with how this will be anywhere near close to comfortable for a session,” read on!
For my sessions, here’s what I recommend:
Accept that we’re going to be cuddling differently than we would for regular sessions, but it doesn’t have to feel robotic. Even if for some reason we didn’t wear the masks, we’d still have to limit our literal face time. If you go into the session expecting to be able to rub faces, press lips onto someone’s back, or have your cheek held, we need to adjust those expectations because those are just not possible right now. Neither of us should be touching each other’s masks at all or even going near them, so being mindful of that is going to make a huge difference in a session for you. We might be intertwining legs, touching feet, scratching backs, pressing backs against each other, face away from each other, spoon slightly at an angle, and more. It won’t look the same, but it can still be satisfying and connecting.
I’ll give you a surgical mask, and I’ll wear a surgical mask myself. Sure, we might look a lot like some people that forgot to dress down after a Grey’s Anatomy shoot, but surgical masks give us a quality assurance measure. Cloth masks are best for outside use or errands, but the different ways they’re made don’t give a consistent guarantee for effectiveness indoors. Not only that, but they’re way lighter and more breathable than a cloth mask. They also have multiple layers of protection!
Make sure you’re putting on the mask properly so you can breathe comfortably. Most people that complain about masks aren’t wearing them properly. They let their nose stick out of it (SERIOUSLY, WHY?) or they just barely cover the tip of their nose. Their mask might not fit properly and it might bunch up around the nose and make it hard to breathe. All of these are indicators that you’re not wearing it right.
This video from the WHO shows how to put on the mask properly.
Another thing to note: Most people have been concerned about wearing a mask for that long in a cuddle session. I’ve done a cuddle session with masks on for 4 hours before. At the end of it, my client said “This was actually a lot easier than I thought it would be!” If medical professionals can walk around with masks nearly all day, I think we can wear a mask while staying mostly still for an hour or two.
If you really want to go all-out, fund the clear LEAF mask. That link is an affiliate link. I funded this Indiegogo, and hopefully I’ll be getting these masks in the mail this month! I imagine that while we’re looking for an effective treatment or vaccine that this, should this mask meet safety standards, will be a good in-between option for clients hesitant about wearing a mask for sessions. I’ll be sure to report back with how it feels to wear once I get my hands on them!
Wearing a mask for a cuddle session may feel really restrictive. You might be thinking it makes a cuddle session feel a little less human.
These physical masks may feel restrictive, but I would love to help you take your invisible mask off. You might wear it under the visible one society tells you that you need to wear.
What invisible mask am I talking about? The one that you put on to hide your emotions and protect yourself.
I promise you, one mask you’re wearing makes it possible for us to cuddle and connect. The other one makes it hard for me to relate or understand you.
If you have to choose between wearing one mask or the other, please pick wearing the visible one.
And put the invisible emotional mask aside for me.