There's More to Love than Romantic Love

For a couple of years now, I’ve been giving thought as to what Valentine's Day means to me.

For me, the focus of Valentine's day seems to be completely on one type of love. This love is commonly seen as romantic love, otherwise known as Eros' love.

I think Valentine’s Day puts too much pressure on couples to show up differently than they normally would and it winds up isolating those who don't have that love.

Don't get me wrong, the idea of having a lovely romantic Valentine's Day with the one you love the most, dinner with candles and all, is valuable and should be celebrated whenever you want, holiday or not. Valentine's Day is a really strong reminder to not forget to do something different with your loved one for a change.

And I think because of this insane focus, we often forget that we have so many other sources of love in our lives.

Take Ludus, for example. Oftentimes that's seen as a non-committal, immature type of love (think Tinder dates or the old trope of picking people up at bars like a game), but there's way more to it than that. There's playful dancing, pillow fights, tickling, and the like. One way this love shows up in my life is with my neighbor's dog down the street, playing with him in the backyard with a ball and getting excited about the interactions.

Here is the infamous Rigby I have been speaking of!

Then there's Pragma or love of friends. This is also seen in marriages because sexual attraction is not important for this type of love (though it might also exist, I know I think most of my friends are pretty damn attractive) but making things work towards a goal is more important. Celebration of Galentine's Day or Single Awareness Day being reclaimed on Valentine's Day certainly represent celebrating this Pragma love. You might also see this in your work friends too, though to say out loud to a coworker that you love them could potentially give them the wrong impression.

And we haven't even touched upon Storge Love or love for families. I tore my ACL last year shortly before Valentine’s Day, and my mother took care of me while I could barely walk. It turned out that Valentine’s Day was a day where my dad was away on a business trip too, so it was just me and my mom celebrating together. To my surprise, I barely noticed Valentine's Day come and go. I felt so much love with my mom that day.

(P.S. Mom: Thank you for the Valentine's Day gift card. 💕)

There's one that many Christians have heard of time and time again referenced: Agape love. Contrary to popular belief, it's not unconditional love in the sense that there are no limits. Rather, it's considered charitable love, the unconditional part being no expectations of receiving back anything in return whatsoever. Although my work as a professional cuddler does have a monetary exchange (so it inherently DOES have a condition to our time), I love and care about my clients a lot whether they're coming in for sessions or not. There are so many ways we can give to others charitably, whether it's money, listening to them to hear what they need, or offering what we have available to us otherwise. An inherent love for people would also fall into this category.

And lastly, there's Philautia. And this one is probably one of the most important ones of all. I like to think I do a good job at this one, but I also know I have a lot to learn on how to do it better. It's a love of oneself!

This is something I love helping people with, and I do a lot on my social media to talk about self-care and self-love. I think we too often leave the "me" behind in the world that demands our attention and time to other things or people. But by doing that, we can run ourselves ragged. We love ourselves when we give ourselves space to eat a good meal. We love ourselves when we tackle our finances. We love ourselves when we say no, and ask others to respect our boundaries. We love ourselves when we learn and re-learn what makes us happy. Maybe it's a short walk or time spent watching short comedy clips. These days, for me, it's watching Nuzlockes from TFS.

Do you need someone there to watch your favorite show or movie with you? Are you feeling so out of it that you no longer feel connected to your Philautia?

Maybe I can help.