Getting Cuddles isn't Always the Answer

I believe that there's a lot of people that would benefit from professional cuddling who come see me without really knowing what it is that they're getting into. Many of them believe that if they just got on the phone with me to figure out what this whole thing is, then they would decide whether they wanted it or not. I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing, but I do think that there is more that can be done to discern that. There is the concept that you might not know what you actually want until you see it in front of you, but I also run into people that really want professional cuddling to meet certain needs that I can't.

And that's why I sometimes tell people to go elsewhere instead. The most common thing I can think of is people coming to me hoping that I'll offer sex. But there's so many other people that need something other than cuddles and I can't help them.

Some people need a therapist. There was one client I had that wanted physical comfort, but it was also very clear that he had an extreme case of anxiety. This man was an older man, from a generation that didn't believe in therapy except for when you're in a dire situation. Luckily, this person wasn't in a dire situation. So it was clear that he did need additional help that I could not help him with. Granted, I offered him what I could through deep listening and the circling the skills I have developed, but ultimately the help that he needed had to come from someone skilled and trained to help him with anxiety. So I sent him to those resources. Three weeks later, he had found a therapist that was a very good fit for him.

This is not the only case where somebody may need more than just cuddles. Another time, a man had reached out to me mentioning that he had attended various quote-on-quote Jack and Jill's. I had never heard of them and Google didn't tell me a whole lot other than the dance version of what a Jack and Jill is, and I figured that's not what he was looking for. When I called him, what I found out was was beyond what I could have imagined: Jack and Jill's are where many men watch a woman masturbate and they masturbate with her. My mind was blown! When he told me about this, it wasn't clear what he was looking for from professional cuddling. As we talked it through at one point he simply said, “I think I just need to do it in front of someone and then talk about it.” And as much as I appreciated how open he was about his sexuality in this way with me, I couldn't help him as a professional cuddler. I couldn't work with him in this capacity. Unfortunately I didn't know where to send him at the time, but it turned out that there are intimacy surrogates that are very skilled at helping people work through sexual situations and their lives so that they can advance and make real progress, not just in their day-to-day lives but in their own sexuality with their partners.

This is different from the oldest profession, sex work. This is a skilled type of work which requires a therapist referral. On the other end, you might also benefit from a sex coach or a sex worker. There is no shame in that; I do believe that sex workers do deserve the pay that they earn because of the amount of labor they do, not just the stacks but also the emotional labor that they navigate while with their was clients. In fact, did you know that it's really common for sex workers to leave the industry to become therapists? It makes sense. If you spend that much time seeing somebody so vulnerable, why wouldn't you want to try to help them in a way that is more effective? In fact, I know of at least two cuddlers that went to pursue social work or therapy for their studies due to what they saw in their work as professional cuddlers. They recognize that they can't always help this way!

Another thing people will sometimes ask me for is a professional massage. For one, I live in Massachusetts where that is heavily regulated with strong licensing procedures I can't abide by. While there are many professional cuddlers that are also massage therapists, I am not one of them. If you are looking for a massage, go find a massage therapist. I cannot be that for you unfortunately.

And then there's the less well-known ways to get support which are more on the woo-woo end. That might be energy healing, Reiki, shamanic rituals, and a whole other world and host of professions that I don't know about as well as I wish I did. And I wish I knew more about them because I have so many clients that I think would benefit it. In fact, not that long ago I referred a client to my energy worker because it sounded like what he wanted was something my energy worker could do with him that his therapist couldn’t.

It is so important for me to know my limits and how I can help people within them. There's many ways in cuddle session so I can help people, and I am a very skilled person, companion, and cuddler.

But I'm not the be-all end-all solution.

And sometimes, what you really need is something or somebody else.

I wish the best for you, and I really want you to find what it is that you're looking for.

If that happens to be me, I'm happy to talk about that with you and see if we can really give you what you want.