What's Generally Okay In a Professional Cuddle Session With Me (That You Might Be Afraid to Ask)

"I'm just not sure if you're okay with me even asking it," he stammered out.

He was shaking a little bit as he sat in the orange chair I had up against the wall of my small, dedicated cuddle room. I sat on the edge of my queen-sized bed cross-legged, gazing intently back at him while he shifted in his seat, his shoulders nearly up to his ears.

I've heard this before. I braced myself for weird requests before, but I didn't get the impression that what he was about to ask was going to be as out there as he thought it would be. Despite my own uncertainty of what to expect, I got this feeling that I could trust him with whatever he would ask of me and that I would feel safe saying no if it really was outside my comfort zone.

I leaned forward before asking him one of the most important questions I could ask any client that comes in for a session.

"Are you okay with asking it and hearing that the answer might be no? Because I do have my own body autonomy, but you likely won't offend me just by asking for what you want."

He stopped shifting in his seat and his shoulders lowered. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath in, then opened his eyes to look at me with uncertainty.

He meekly asked, "C-can we... hold hands?"

My heart bursted with compassion. This small ask felt insurmountably huge to him? I felt a smile spread across my face and I shifted my position on the bed to let him sit up on it with me. "I'd like to! Thank you for asking."

It’s hard to say for certain what’s generally okay in a professional cuddle session.

One reason for that is because it differs from practitioner to practitioner (and sometimes even client to client), but it's also because this is considered a platonic, therapeutic service. I hate describing this work as platonic because most people's ideas of what "platonic" means is very narrow-minded and touch-adverse. Sure, some of my sessions might have childlike playfulness and innocence like most people think when they hear the word “platonic,” but there’s more to professional cuddling sessions than that.

I've also had someone legitimately ask me if I could give them a blow job "platonically" (I'm not even joking about that and I wish I was). Real overt requests like that tell me the general public doesn't really even understand what platonic itself means!

Here in the United States many basic ways of cuddling I do in sessions are also sometimes associated with actions that lead to romantic and sexual intentions. It's unfortunate because this not only limits how we can connect through touch with people overall (not just paid professional cuddlers like me), but it gatekeeps touch and puts a lot of pressure on our romantic and sexual partners to be the sole givers of the variety of touch we really want.

Screw that.

Holding hands from the outside looking in could be romantic. But what about when it's done with a parent? A fellow classmate? A teacher? At a funeral with a friend? Holding hands itself on its own is not necessarily romantic or sexual in every single context, so categorizing the action as such can further isolate us from touch in other areas of our lives.

What would it be like to have someone deeply nurturing, caring and connected with absolutely no romantic or sexual intentions whatsoever do any of these things:

Holding hands.

Letting you rest your head in my lap.

Laying my head on your chest.

Playing with each other's hair.

Giving or receiving light head scratches.

Nuzzling each others' shoulders and collar bones.

Lightly rubbing and holding my stomach.

Softly grasping our hip bones.

Gently stroking your face.

Letting you stroke my face.

Resting my warm, soft cheek against yours.

Giving or receiving shoulder rubs.

Giving or receiving foot rubs.

Spooning together, either one of us being the big spoon or little spoon.

Tracing the soft skin on each other's necks.

Brushing my calves and lower thighs with your fingertips.

Can you picture how that might feel for you? Can you picture it for yourself?

These are all things I enjoy and are perfectly acceptable to ask for in a session when coming from a place of nurturing, caring and connection. It doesn't have to mean anything more than that.

If you're still really not sure if I'd be okay with a specific request you have after reading this article, please sign up for your pre-session call and ask! I'd love to see how we might fit together.