I'm Finally Running Group Cuddle Events (and it's probably not quite what you think)
I used to get asked if I'd run group events.
And honestly, the answer has always been no.
Until now.
Admittedly, until recently I didn't feel comfortable or like I could come up with a format for group events where I would be doing more good and less harm.
I've been a part of a few social groups where touch and boundaries were A Problem, and I didn't want to create an environment where I experimented with humans trying to figure out boundaries WHILE I was trying to figure out how to best facilitate and hold boundaries for the space.
"We're all adults here" doesn't really hold up well when there's no accountability or clear communication, which really isn't as easy or socially acceptable when you don't have the nonviolent vocabulary to assert your boundaries (for those that think that’s weird to hear: yeah, words can be violent when weilded the wrong way. Nonviolent language is important to learn, and most people don’t do this well).
I'd been to a few Cuddle Parties(tm), which I enjoyed and the format they do has been really refined. In fact, I’ve been to the Temple of Tenderness that Paul Cooperstein runs his Cuddle Party events out of and I highly recommend attending if you can! You can find the Cuddle Party Boston Facebook page here.
For me though, it didn't really feel like a format I felt compelled to do myself. While it was nice to be an attendee there, I felt like there was something else that would make group events feel more like me.
Then at CuddleXpo 2018 I did a cuddle workshop with Jean Franzblau, aka Cuddle Queen Jean from Cuddle Sanctuary, and It. Was. Baller.
I loved everything about it, from the exercises warming us up to the main event, the "Cuddle Lab" (yes, really-- it's this event format was tagging me, the ex-engineer, with that title!), and the fact that everyone was welcome in this space to fully participate even if they didn't want to touch anyone at all.
If you’ve never been to a cuddle event before, just know this: people not participating in touch and yet being able to be fully a participant in the event is HUGE.
Sometimes at cuddle-friendly events, it can feel like the non-touchy people are welcomed and accepted... but not always metaphorically embraced to connect with others. It can often feel like they’re at worst, tolerated. Sure, no one’s making them touch anyone, but the nonverbal peer pressure to conform paired with the verbal reassurance that you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do creates this weird misalignment that can be really uncomfortable for someone new to the world of cuddly boundaries.
In this event, non-touchy people had just as many options to fully participate and connect even if they didn't touch anyone!
I decided if I ever do group events, I need to learn this format and from Jean.
And that's exactly what I did earlier this year. I ran my first test event and it was a roaring success!
So now I've booked space in Somerville to expand it.
My first public event is on June 10th. The second one will be two weeks later for Femme Folx only, but both will be limited to 16 people.
You can learn about all future events by clicking here.
“My mission in life is to make sure no one feels alone on their journey.”